Complaints or Facts: A Fine Line?

Recently I got involved in a group that is intending to be complaint free for 21 days. This was all well and good until someone in the group had to give a reason for not visiting a friend in the hospital. What was needed to be said to the patient was actual facts. Would those facts be mis-construed as complaining? Is there a fine line between facts and complaints?

The facts were:

1. The friend was in a hospital 10 miles away.
2. The car only had 3 gallons of gas in it.
3. The gas needed to be used to go 3 miles to the patient’s home twice a day to feed her animals.
4. There was NO cash at all on hand.
5. The check book was overdrawn.

These were five complaints just ripe for the taking. Any one of them could be used for days as complaints. But they were facts not complaints, weren’t they?

Let me get this straight in my head. People complain about facts, as well as non-facts. So when is talking about facts complaining? The fine line now appears. Could it be your intention?

I have heard people say, “I don’t mean to complain, but….” However, that is their intention whether consciously or sub-consciously. If they weren’t complaining then why add a preface to their statement? Why does their statement sound as though they were complaining?

Stating facts is cut and dry with no vested interest in the outcome. Complaining is stating those same facts in an emotional way to elicit sympathy: somewhat like martyr sympathy. (See Chapter 5 in my book Life is Like Making Chocolate Chip Cookies on 3 Types of Sympathy.) Your tone of voice, your body language, and your choice of words all convey the facts as complaining or as just facts.

Listen to the people around you who are talking. Can you discern if they are complaining or just speaking facts? Does it seem everyone is complaining? Perhaps human beings have been domesticated to only hear the complaining or to assume it is complaining. Have we become a society of complainers? Or, a society that has accepted complaining as commonplace? Are you a fact-giver or a complainer?

On the receiving end a complaint can be treated as just that: a complaint. It can also be treated as just facts. How do you respond to the fact-given/complainer? Do you encourage the complainer to just state the facts without the drama? Do you encourage those who state facts to elaborate and get a little bit more emotional?

Many times people complain because sub-consciously they believe it is expected in today’s society. Some people think if they don’t complain and if they only state the facts other people will think they are complaining anyway. So there the fine line appears again. Now we are into assuming.

Using the five statements given at the beginning of this article, speak each one out loud as you would say them to someone else. Take the positive of stating them as a fact. See how it sounds. How did it feel?

Then speak those same five statements as if you were complaining. How did it sound? How did it feel?

Now find someone to speak those five statements to you as in the above exercise. How did it feel as the receiver when confronted with facts versus complaining?

It has been said it takes 21 days to form a habit. So for the next 21 days don’t complain. State what you have to say as fact without all the emotional baggage. In that 21-day period if you should complain even once, you need to start over from day one. Remember 21 days to form a habit: good or bad.

Start forming a good habit today. Be free of complaints. Accept life as it is and enjoy it!