Positivity Prevails

Positivity Prevails

Why have a title about positivity when I am going to speak about negativity? Because the two are intertwined. You can’t have one without the other. They balance each other out. Though being positive is very important to me, we need to face negativity and learn how to deal with it. Negativity is such a broad term and encompasses many things. Your negative thoughts lead to negative words and negative actions, which in turn lead to negative reactions and/or negative interactions. Many relationships suffer from negativity of one or both persons involved.
Negativity covers, but is not limited to: fear, depression, jealousy, worthlessness, hate, ego problems, and much more.
Fear is the biggest negativity. I am not talking about intuitive fear that gives you warnings or strength to help remove you from harms way. The fear I am talking about brings out or leads to most of the remaining negative emotions, actions, words, etc. Get rid of fear and you can get rid of the majority of suffering in your life. Then life becomes happy and pleasant to live. You then become fulfilled and draw much more positiveness towards yourself. Relationships become more positive as well.
To get rid of fear, you must first understand what it is and where it comes from. Fear is the lack of love. If you have love in your heart, if you live with love, you cannot be in fear. If you attempt to live a life of love, fear cannot enter in. This is easier said than done: at least in the beginning.
Now that you know what fear is, or rather what it is not, you need to find out where you got the fear in the first place. Usually there are no easy answers here.
Attachment to fears are through our experiences and the people in our lives. When we are born we have no idea of fear. Watch a child as they play. They are fearless. Even if they fall down and get hurt, they get right back up and do it again. Unless an adult or someone older than themselves show fear or another negative emotion or action. Watch, also, as they grow older. They take on the fears of those older than themselves. Children learn by example.
Negativity and fear make people ill, grouchy, irritable, unfriendly, unwilling, stagnant, and paralyzed. They feel unloved and question themselves and everything around them. So how do you rid yourself of the negativity and fear? Figure out where it comes from!
I live consciously by the 4 agreements. These are a set of agreements to live one’s life by based on Toltec philosophy. A book by the same name by don Miquel Ruiz lists the agreements. They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t assume.
4. Do your best.
When you consciously practice these agreements it is very difficult for negativity and fear to enter and get a foothold in your life. When you set specific intentions for your life such as these four agreements and consciously live by them, the negativity and fear cannot survive. When you quit living in your woundology, negativity and fear cannot hideout inside of you and run your life. And when you create your heart’s desire and consciously work towards it, there is no room for negativity and fear.
These are just some of the tools used to make your life happier, more prosperous, and more fulfilling. These same tools open the doors and windows for you to plunge in and use your God-given gifts of intuitiveness.
But guess what? You have to really want a better life! You can’t go around saying, “I want a better life, BUT!!” That is putting the negativity back in! Take the “buts” out of your vocabulary and replace them with a period: “I want a better life.” (Period.) You have to really want a positive life and be willing to work for it. Nothing worth having is easy!
Often we don’t realize that it is our inner child, our subconscious that fears. Outwardly we show no fears. We may even feel we have no fears. But our actions and words say differently. These fears need to be eradicated or we cannot connect with our true self, our higher being or higher self, our psychic or intuitive self. We cannot connect even with our Higher Power, who we may call God.
I didn’t always have this attitude. I was a fearful person: afraid no one loved me, afraid my husband would leave me for no reason, afraid I wasn’t good enough in my endeavors even though I usually was successful, and afraid of just about everything. Afraid! Afraid! Afraid! So how did I get to where I am now? With a lot of hard work and learning to listen and trust my spirit/inner voice/intuition. You can do it too, and you will if you just stay positive and fearless.

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So what does this all have to do with successful relationships? Our actions and emotions are based on the positive or negative influences in our lives. We then pass those influences onto others that we come into contact with: people with whom we have relationships. Those influences can be based on DNA, environment, domestication by others while growing up, and previous interactions both good and bad.
There are many variables that affect our behavior both consciously and unconsciously in all of our relationships. Not just intimate or family relationships are affected. Our interaction with strangers are relationships also. The interaction with a sales person is a relationship to some degree. When you not or don’t nod to the stranger coming towards you, you have developed a relationship even as miniscule as a couple of second. The interaction with that person could affect your whole day. Therefore, the relationship to that stranger for a matter of seconds was important as to the fact of whether it was a positive or negative interaction or relationship. Before I go any further I need to clarify the definition of relationships.
Webster’s dictionary defines the word relationship as: a connection, an association, or an involvement; a connection between people.
Most people consider relationships as those emotions or actions directed to only certain people in their lives: to relatives, people in their circle or people to whom they have emotionally and/or physically attached themselves.
My definition is that we can be connected, associated, or involved with anything that can reciprocate: i.e. people, animals, spirits, and/or a Higher Power. A chair, as an example, can not reciprocate so you can’t have a relationship with it. Though I have heard of people who have tried.
Relationships are difficult because all parties are coming into it from different perspectives. These perspectives have been ingrained in each person from their various experiences leading up to the particular relationship. So why do people think that they shouldn’t have any problems in that area? As someone once said, “when you have a relationship with someone other than yourself, you are in a dysfunctional relationship.” I don’t know if I would go so far as to say that totally, but in more relationships than not this is true.
And what makes the relationship dysfunctional? The negativity that a person brings into the relationship is the root of the dysfunctionality. If you come into a relationship with no preconceived ideas, with no expectations, with no negative thoughts or baggage, with no assumptions, then you can have the perfect relationship. However, most people have one or all of the aforementioned. Therefore, relationships suffer. Some continue at the cost of one or all individuals involved. Some end with much pain and suffering. Relationships don’t have to end that way. They can end because both parties need something else that is positive that the other person is not able to understand or is unwilling to be involved in. It doesn’t have to come from the hurt and pain caused during the relationship.
The question asked me on this topic was, “how does one get to that point in a relationship where both parties are thinking positive? The answer is not always easy and there are several of them. If both people want to work on the relationship, using their free will and not coerced into it, then the relationship can work on a positive level. If only one person, however, works on that level or works on the relationship at all, there can not be any guarantee that the relationship will survive. I hope you noticed I didn’t say it wouldn’t survive. I just said there was no guarantee of survival. If both people work on the relationship but one of the parties is only doing it because the other party wants them to, or to keep peace, again, there is no guarantee of the relationship surviving. The only true way for a relationship to survive is if the desire of all parties involved is to make it work. Now we get into semantics here.
You need to find out what your definition of a relationship is. You also need to find out if the other person’s definition is the same or different. You need to find out what you mean by making a relationship work. And again, the other person’s definition of the same thing. You both need to be aware of what the other person’s definitions are. This can be difficult if both of you are not working on the relationship. However, it is not impossible.
There are many answers to the question of what is the definition of making a relationship work. Some can be complicated. One of the answers is that it all depends on the perception of the persons involved. My husband thinks, at times, that our relationship works because we don’t argue. But we do argue at times. So that can’t be the full reason for a good working relationship. His reason is not without some fault. We don’t argue like we use to or like some people do because one of us is practicing positive tools for relationships.
At other times he feels that our relationship works because we are of a single mind about our life together. I have news for him!!!! We have different views, however, his perception is that we don’t. One of us is either not sharing, or one of us is not listening, or both. See how the perception of the participants involved play a very huge part in the art of relationships.
You cannot change how someone perceives something. Or can you? You cannot make someone change. Or can you? The answers to these questions I have found for my life. They are easy answers. They are not necessarily easy tools. If it is something you truly want, then you can have it. It takes work, as anything on this earth takes work. If you have an attitude of semi-desire than you will not be successful in getting those relationships you want. If you really, really want a certain type of relationship in your life you can have it. You need to be passionate about it. You need to be willing to change yourself. You need to allow others not to change. You need to trust. You need to have faith. If you are not willing to allow any of these things in your life then success will not be forthcoming.

©2007, L. Sue Durkin – All Rights Reserved
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